Friday, 29 June 2012

#8 And*to*be*light



Why theatrical? Because art is about creating an atmosphere, a context, a world through which to express a message and to relay what moves you, to move an audience. For example: the particular way the stage is set up, the lighting, the genius guerrilla tactical-haphazardry choreography and the synchronicity of all these elements into one powerful message. The unexpected. The unknown. The doing one thing everyday that scares you. The drawing on your walls of your rented apartment as an expression of your inspired ideas – and the refusal of your housemates to rub these pencil-marked sketches off long after you moved out. Lying to the racist landlord to deliver another month’s late rent. Nothing tricky, just a reason strong enough to justify your art heart. Nothing complicated, just the truth.
I believe in Jesus. I believe in living before. I believe in how a soul is chosen to hover over the earth when its true calling is not yet completed. I have had experiences, earned a living, driven a fancy car, travelled abroad, met some amazing people, had a share of fame and still was unfulfilled as I lay a winter through feeling depressed in my ghetto-oh-so-cool apartment. So I took substance to distract me through my own issues and I drank and smoked and recycled and lived the dream by appearing in a prominent alcohol advert on tv and a ghetto-chic billboard in Soweto. However, I still feel like a baby of three months old in this current life where my age-old clock tells me I’m joining the sensationalised ’27 club’ in my Libra month. On the 6th of Libra two thousand and end of the world I died. I left a life that I thought I was in control of, a life of foolery. Was I too scared to say this all at the time to my loved ones? Yes I was. Now that time and healing have had their way with me the soul inside me sees this all as a massive education and a priveledge. A priveledge I only died in my selfish ways and a dark world and not in a heart-attack or in a prison cell, as now I see it as a fortune to wake up with a new hit of sunshine and a bottle filled with grace. It was through faith that I was saved from myself, because of grace given to me. I’ll walk into this grace I’ve found in the hope-giver. I believe there is a ‘Jesus figure’ in every generation and wow the lowest of the low place I was in not so long ago would be the perfect place for a child of light to emerge from. So I say, sometimes I’m a space-cadet, sometimes I’m a sanguine, sometimes I’m your best friend, the other times awaiting* getonthebuswithgus*
I have something, you’re jealous or glad or indifferent. I am only conscious of the fact that I have something because I lived through what it was like to have nothing and everything back-stabbed out of me and run out of petrol and borrow money from a stranger once. And to pass out in the back of my bakkie on the side of the highway once even when I did in fact have enough petrol to get home, only to learn my alcohol tolerance, was an embarrassment to me. I scream. I cry. I mock myself. I heart-break. I confuse. I manic-depress. I am he, she, it. But don’t we all share in this self-depreciation of modernity? I am human. I am self. I am love’s message and darkness’ reminder all wrapped up in one beautiful piece of work.  

Stronger
I want to live a life that’s new, a life that sings Your timeless tune, Your truth revealed in action.
I want to reflect all Your shine, do all of this all of the time, to walk with You in my mind.
Jesus gave me a brand new heart and I am living a new start, I go with all of my aught.
He raised me from the death of death, and shifted my eyes to look ahead, a gaze to see straight through death.
He says :
“I will not runaway, honey when you get things wrong, oh so wrong
You I have filled with my love so stand up straight and be stronger.”

Now God can give you this today, a life that’s new in every way, a peace which flows right through you
If you confess that He is Lord, and believe He was raised above, then you will be saved from death.
He says :
“I will not runaway, honey when you get things wrong, oh so wrong
You I have filled with my love so stand up straight and be stronger.”

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wonderous than your joy. And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you always accepted the seasons of the fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.”
Kahil Gibran


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